As I have mentioned before, my future mother-in-law is constantly harassing me about having children. This includes everything from thinly veiled “hints,” to snarky comments about how Joe’s cousins all have children but we only have a cat, to flat out saying things like “you know, 25 is really the best age to have children.” I find this all very stressful, especially when I am trying to plan this wedding virtually by myself.
Since we have been engaged, some of my relatives have been starting to make comments, which while said with the very best of intentions, are inappropriate and stressful. Today’s comment came from one of my aunts. I posted a picture on Facebook of this cool little crib that is attached to mom’s bed so that she can be right near the newborn while he or she is sleeping. One of Joe’s cousins and his wife just had their third child and we are quite close to them, so i posted it with her in mind. My aunt’s comment was “Maybe your mom is hinting that she is ready to be Grandma?” No. My mom is wonderful and never pressures us to have children. My parents even told my future mother in law that they are happy to have a “grand cat” for as long as that makes us happy.
I know that my relatives at least say these things because they are excited for us and they know that I love children and want to have them some day. I realize that it is all said with the best of intentions. Be that as it may, it is NEVER appropriate to: ask someone when they are going to have children, why they don’t have children yet, hint that you want a grandchild, make fun of someone for having pets instead of children, etc. These things are all hurtful and stressful, especially for a woman who is far away from her family and trying to plan a wedding all by herself. I have enough to think about without being worried about being harassed about reproducing.
When we do choose to have children, it will be between me, Joe and the doctor. That’s it. If we choose to clue people in on various parts of the process, they should count themselves as lucky.
In conclusion: If someone you know is getting married, do not ask her when/if she plans to have children. IT IS NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS.